The dwindling art of human touch

Human touch is a very instinctual form of communication that transcends words. Intuitively, it conveys so much more than words can. It can help another feel comforted, heard, understood and loved all at once, and most often, that is exactly what a person needs. Beyond cultural and language barriers, human touch can communicate a simple yet profound message: I see you, and I care about you. Touch expresses truth and communicates depth of understanding beyond the intellect, and it connects us on a primal level.

Touch is human

Touch is one of the most fundamental qualities of being human. It is an integral part of human relationships without which they would feel cold, detached and unloving. Touch is the first way in which a baby learns they are safe and loved, and it is these most foundational needs that are fulfilled in all our relationships when we are touched well and often by those we care about. The depth of emotion and connection that is related through our hands is impossible to transmit in words. Even among strangers, a simple reassuring hand on the shoulder or a pat on the back can go a long way to make them feel a little less alone. Our inherent instinctual drive to touch and comfort someone who is unwell is a beautiful part of our humanity, and it is dangerously close to extinction in our modern society.

When touch is harmful

Because of the depth of emotion that is triggered and communicated via touch, it can also have deeply traumatizing effects when abused. Its potential to heal are profound, and so is its potential to hurt. In recent years, many abuses of touch have become known across the world. In the wake of social movements like “Me Too”, though essential for our growth as a humanity, we have become too afraid to touch each other. Men are afraid of offending a woman, and women are afraid of inviting premature intimacy. This effect has rippled through our societies and created a general avoidance of physical contact, or at least a level of tension with it, and not just between men and women. People hug but do not allow themselves to really receive the hug, and pull away quickly. People shake hands as a stiff gesture without really feeling the other person. Our fear has created a society deeply deprived of comfort and connection, and a solid wall against the one thing that could remedy that. We cannot deny that the ways in which touch has been corrupted in abuse and manipulation affects us all deeply, but has the reaction to this taken us too far away from our basic needs? Are we really safer now?

Touch for safety

Touch can communicate so much more than words can. A lot is learnt about a person’s nature and their intentions in an interaction by the way they touch us. Valuable information about whether it is safe to trust them can get lost if they never touch us. We are stuck in an endless loop of mistrust and fear, and are depriving ourselves from one of the best ways to communicate safety and trust. We are also robbing ourselves from one of the best ways to heal fear and trauma, and find comfort and connection again.

Touch for healing

It is natural to offer our touch to comfort and connect, and we all do it freely without thinking, or at least we would if we did not have to worry about crossing social boundaries or sending the wrong message. This complicates social interactions immensely, and we are left feeling disconnected and uncomforted. It is one of the biggest tragedies in human history that we have been conditioned to hold back our touch – one of the most basic human needs and the best way to comfort each other – for fear of being socially inappropriate.

I believe that many social issues, relational issues and personal health issues will find a much easier way towards resolution if we bring back simple social touch. When we are brave enough to face our own fears, to get to know ourselves and what our own personal challenges are that limit connection, the rewards can be great – not just for our personal well-being, but also for our society as a whole. Touch is the best medium to create bridges of safety and trust between people, and in so doing, fear and trauma is healed naturally.

Human touch is magical, and it is one of the best ways to bring humans back together, connect deeply, and help us all grow into our higher potential.